When The Doctor Returns
by Meganelixabethh
Summary: How Sarah feels when she first sees the doctor. AU so Rose isnt there, set before school reunion but school reunion never happened seeing as its AU... no SJA


**Just a little one shot that wouldn't leave me alone. Set in an AU. Before school reunion in the real doctor who, i.e. she hadn't seen him in 30 years but Rose isn't here (thank god otherwise it would be slightly awkward xD) and obviously because it's before school reunion Sarah Jane doesn't have Luke or Maria or anyone. I hope you enjoy :)**

**I don't own doctor who unfortunately :(**

It was late and Sarah Jane sat in a place she never thought she'd see again if she lived to be a hundred. The TARDIS control room, a place that haunted her life and filled her dreams. It was one of the reasons she wasn't sleeping now. She had stopped sleeping unless she had to after the desperate ache in her chest became all too much after she awoke; 3 hours sleep a night was all she needed. She couldn't help but let her thoughts drift back to the last day that had brought her here. The Slitheen had come to try and claim Earth yet again and Sarah Jane had just managed to foil their plan by single handed by blowing up the console they were using with a pile of vinegar and a well aimed point of her sonic lipstick. Unfortunately when everything had gone boom, as the Doctor would say, she had somehow been transported to a planet she didn't know the name of and had no way of getting home. 5 minutes later the TARDIS had groaned into view and the man himself had stepped out of the doors and looked like he'd just seen a ghost. The TARDIS had noticed the massive shift in temporal energy on Earth and had told the Doctor where it was heading. He had gone to find out what was going on and had found out Sarah Jane was going on; that woman would never stop surprising him.

Sarah stood up and headed towards the consol and looked around to see if it had changed all that much since she was last here. Thankfully it hadn't and she could still feel the TARDIS all around her, she could still reach out and touch her if she tried very hard. She knew the TARDIS was happy to see her, she had been sending her contented feelings to Sarah Jane since she arrived, but it still couldn't lift her mood. She tapped in the name of an album, the year and planet of release before going back to the seat and pulling the blanket she had bought around herself. She let the melancholic music wash over her, she desperately wanted to cry but she was far too proud for that.

_Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,  
A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,  
My eyes are damp from the words you left,  
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest._

Her mood plummeted further. The lyrics rand true to Sarah. He didn't care, he may have at some point but he stopped caring for her long before she stopped loving him. She still did love him if she was being honest with herself. Her life was the blink of an eye to him, the man that had lived almost a millennium while she had lived barely to half a century. The last thirty years didn't count though, they couldn't. She had only lived a half life. So many tears had fallen in the years since he had dumped her, two years ahead of time in Aberdeen. His lack of a goodbye had spun around her head, torturing her when she slept and rubbing salt in her wounds, especially the ones on her heart. Her silent, broken heart that felt like it had stopped beating three decades ago.

DWDWDWDW

The Doctor was roused from sleep and he had no idea why. The TARDIS's conscious was pressing on his mind and he realised she was trying to tell him something. He felt fine one second and then the next he felt, well he felt absolutely _awful_. He just wanted to curl up in a ball and die; a horrible lonely ache lodged in his chest, where one of his hearts was. That was what made him realise the TARDIS was projecting Sarah Jane's emotions onto him, and the small part of his brain that didn't want to die with sadness flooded with guilt. She felt like this because of him. His mind had never felt so much sadness and abandonment. His planet had died, his people wiped out and he had watched countless friends perish but never in his entire existence had he felt so... so soul crushingly alone and unwanted. He had to go to her; he had to make all this go away. He had thought about her every day since he had gone and prayed she was alive and well.

"I get the picture, I'm going. Just please, stop." He pleaded into thin air, begging the TARDIS to stop making him feel this way, but the mental torture raged on and he knew he had to go to her, to make her feel even a little better. His beautiful, sad, lonely Sarah Jane that he loved so much more than she thought he did.

He padded down the last corridor bare footed and peeked around into the control room. She was sat in the chair, listening to sad music. He listened to the back end of one song and heard the next one start

_Throw me in the landfill, don't think of the consequences_

_Throw me in the dirt pit, don't think of the choices that you've made_

_Throw me in the water; don't think about the splash I will create_

He suddenly felt an emotion he didn't even know existed; a bitter form of happiness that suddenly seemed a whole lot worse that what he felt before. He went over and sat next to her silently, feeling the paradoxical feeling of warm comfort and sadness seep through him. _This is what you do to her_ he thought, but there was no room left in him to feel anything else. She had taken over him.

"Sarah Jane" he started and she turned to look at him. The TARDIS took a little of her away so a small part of him was free to feel what he should be at that moment and he was shocked to find unrefined, pure love. He leaned forwards and pressed his lips to hers and by God his head nearly exploded. For all his superior intelligence he didn't know that humans felt so _much _of everything. His whole mind seemed to burst open with bright golden light and music and puppies and everything that was good in the world. His body zinged all over, desire flew around his entire being and scrambled his thoughts. And then she pulled away. The loveliness flowed away and was replaced by livid, seething, undiluted anger that choked away into the same crushing sadness as before.

"No. No. _NO!_" she screamed "you can't just turn up after all this time and make me fall in love with all over again and then drop me back in my garden 6 years after I left and fly away in your magic blue box so that I never see you again! I waited 30 years for you, and I don't know if I have another 30 left in me." She sounded like she wanted to carry on but a sob choked up and she felt even sadder if that was even possible. A few rouge tears tricked down her cheeks and he just couldn't take it any longer.

"I know how you feel and please stop. Just stop!" he pleaded with her

"How can you possibly know-" she started to ask, anger tinting her mood once more. Such dark emotions, he wanted the light back.

"The TARDIS is projecting your emotions onto my mind and I don't know how you survive" he said, placing his head in his hands in desperation, she felt the slightest hint of sympathy but mainly anger once again. _When did she grow to hate me so much?_ He asked himself

"I'm sorry if my feelings are inconvenient for you but that's the way I've been feeling for the past 3 decades" she replied icily and got up to leave, but he caught her by the wrist before she could get too far away. Her mind was so complex, so confusing. His touch made him feel like he was in freefall for a split second before surprise flitted across his mind and sadness once again crushed him.

"I need to speak as me now. I need you to stop" he called out and her emotions drained away from him, leaving his mind full of the clear, pure love that had made him kiss her. It was nice to feel like himself again. "I'm just gonna come right out and say this because I'm not really that good with words when you need them to work. I do want you. More than anything. I want you in every way, in the worst possible way. I love you." He told her and the TARDIS pushed her feelings back onto him. He felt... numb, in shock. But at least the sadness was gone. Then his mind flooded with a love similar to his own, but more intense as all her emotions seemed to be. This time it was her who leaned in and pressed her lips to his. And once again the light returned. The light he had been craving. The light he knew he would always crave.

"How long do I get you for this time?" she asked, pulling away and contentedness filled him

"how does forever sound?" he asked, lacing his fingers through hers

"Perfect. Just perfect." She replied and once again leaned in to steal another taste of his lips

**I hope you liked it! The first song mentioned was 'youth' by Daughter and the second was 'landfill' also by Daughter in case you want to listen to them**

**Please review**


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